After visiting this blog, this is what a friend said to me.
"The subject of child sexual abuse is extremely personal for me. I was sexually abused as a child between the ages of 6 and 8, and I have talked about it openly, as I am doing so now.
I was a child who understood that what was happening was wrong, and tried my level best to stop it, by reporting it. I was not believed, but I was able to shame and scare both of my abusers into stopping it. But not before I had been abused over and over, and not before the experience had left deep scars of anger coupled with helplessness.
I will probably feel this way till the end of my life. The sense of violation, a sense of being used like an object, the fear, the shame has seeped into every other relationship in my life, including those that are non-romantic/sexual. Despite herculean efforts, it has still not been possible to forget what happened. I have to deal with it daily.
Why ? Because a couple of selfish, inadequate, completely depraved individuals decided to get their pleasure by using a child's body. They are both still alive, and therefore, they might read this. If so, I want to tell them that what they did is beneath contempt and beyond the understanding of a human being.
For the others who are reading these words, I want to say that this is a scourge, a disease, that should never be condoned. Please talk to your children about all things that exist in this world. Let them know that you love and care for them, and will protect them. Be very protective. The alternative is too horrendous to contemplate. "
I am very sad as I write these words, because I know that this story is something that almost all children, both boys and girls, have experienced.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
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3 comments:
Thanks Simi, I talk about sexual abuse at every workshop I conduct, at every trainings I conduct and every adolescent group that I meet, and one of the reason for this is, 'I was sexually, physically abused when I was a child'. How do you cope with this, I coped with this and am still coping with all the pain related to this chapter of my life, and it has shown me that the more I talk the better it is for me. I love the word catharsis, it means the process of releasing strong emotions through a particular activity or experience. Talking about this writing about this is catharsis for I hope I release all the pain, guilt and sorrow associated with this, I have forgiven the perpetrator of this heinous act, now when I meet him I rarely react and that is power to me. Thank you Simi for sharing your story with me and all those who peep into this blog page.
Sarita
My mother had told me about sexual abuse and how to respond to abuse when I was four, and she repeats that even now. When I was seven years old and visiting my grandfather's house their servant forcibly was taking me to the dark part of the terrace I shouted so loud and started yelling for my father and mother that he left me, after that whenever he would come near my I would threaten him with dire consequences. I told my mother recently about it, and she was shocked and worried that I had not said it to her, I told Ma,'dont worry I could handle that', So mothers and fathers should talk to their children and even teach them how to respond.
Shruti
Yes, it's absolutely right that the elders should discuss with children about it frankly. I have also experienced the same in my childhood. But till date, i have not uttered anything at any body. I always fear & do not know how to communicate it to elders.
From school to university I was in a dillema about touch. So, I always emphasize in trainings for adolescents on good touch & bad touch. Whenever I had experienced any bad touch from teacher, I did not dare or expect that a teacher (friend philosopher & guide) can do it with his/her student. I had assured myself that It is my misunderstanding or narrow thoughts.After starting to work in SRH in IPDP project Malkangiri, I realized everything.
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