Attitude Matters

This particular mail was send to me by one of my colleage.But I liked the message very much and thought why not forward it in the Odisa-one Blog where work is seen as service not as Job.

One evening a Swamiji of Sri Ramakrishna Mutt was addressing the participants on the concept of work culture..

One of the participants asked the following question to the Swamiji: I am a senior manager of Materials Department and I joined an organization 25 years ago as an Engineer Trainee and over the last 25 years I have gone through every experience in the organization and I am now the senior manager looking after the material function independently.

During the initial part of my career, the job was very challenging and interesting. Every day was exciting and I looked forward to each day with lot of interest. However, all those exciting days are gone since I do not find my job any more interesting because there is nothing new in my job.

As I have seen and handled every conceivable situation there is no more challenges in my work. I am now feeling bored because I am doing a routine job.


However, Swamiji, I am living in the same house for over forty years, I am the son for the same parents for over forty five years, I am the father for the same children for the past ten years and the husband for the same lady for the past twenty years.

In these personal roles I do not feel bored and the passage of time has not taken away the zeal from me. Please tell me why I am bored of the routine in the office and not in the house?

This was a very interesting question and we were all very anxious and curious to know what the Swamiji had to say.
The response from him was very interesting and convincing.

He asked the executive the question: Please tell me for whom does your Mother cook
The executive replied that obviously the mother cooks for others. Then the Swamiji said that the mother 'Serves' others and because of this service mindedness, she is not feeling tired or bored. But in an office, we 'Work' and not 'Serve'. Anything we consider, as service will not make us feel bored. That is difference between Serving and Working.


He asked the executive to consider his work as service and not merely a work, this was a very interesting analysis...

Whenever you put a larger context around your work and see a broader meaning for your work, you will take interest in your work. An awareness of larger purpose of your job and an appreciation of its importance will make a very big difference in your internal energy. You should believe that you are here for a purpose and should believe in the spiritual context of your role.

Attitude Matters!!!

I am gay: Way to go !

I just read a new post.... I am gay.

Wow. I am humbled by Santosh's honesty. He said it in a single line, what we put in paras of long, complicated words.

Response to Soham

Hi, Soham.. you made a great point with Discrimination within Discrimination. This discrimination exists, and can come across as being elitist. But it is a relatively smaller issue than that of gay rights, and the discrimination against gays. Maybe the way to tackle it is through deeper dialogue, and yes, argument of the constructive kind. Let's think about it. Thanks for bringing up this issue.

Response to Suhail

Hi, this is Simi, one of the frequent contributors to this blog. Suhail, thanks for your kind words of encouragement to ODISHA-One. Please write anything you want, either as a new thought (as a post) or as a response to an existing post (as a comment). This blog is a place to share knowledge, feelings, news and say whatever we want to each other. Sarita and I were shy of writing too at the beginning, but now we have opened up and we write about our experiences. So, write, whatever you have to say will be from your heart, and valuable to everybody who comes here. Let's get writing.

Noble Initiative

At the outset I congratulate the noble initiative in the form of Odisha-One Blog by IDPR .The opinions/comments shared by the members are really intersting and informative.Personally speaking I liked all the comments shared in the blog.But really I am being confused when it comes on my part to share or comment in the blog.But what I feel is that more and more people should be informed about this blog.What I can do is to inform at least one of my friend about this blog each day as a strategy.
Thanks to all the members of the Odisha one Blog.
Suhail

I am gay

Hi .My identification is Iam gay.well in India homosexuality has got minority sector.Iam living with a dream when I can tell myself proudly that I am gay. I have also gone through stigma cases which is very pensive mood and very hard to digest.well good news I have also overcome from stigma cases, I don't have any fear what people will think about in future.Just now Iam working under a project and this project support a lot mentally and psychology.Nothing that i can change the univrese but may be my raising my voice i can do some thing for people.

Discrimination within discrimination

I recently went to one of the park where we had a get together with all our gay friends. For the first time I realized that there is discrimination within discrimination. I and my so called educated friends in Orissa would like to call ourselves 'gay' and would like to keep ourselves a bit away from our so called uneducated, ill mannered giggling, swaying friends who prefer calling themselves 'durrani' I realized that I would not like people to see me as, 'them' and I really felt a bit ashamed about it.

I would like to ask my friends in ODISHA-One, isn't this discrimination? We call ourselves discriminated, and then within our homosexual friends we have this structure almost like the caste system, where there are 'uppers' and 'lowers', superiors and inferiors.

Can somebody throw some light on this and help me with this concern???

The third sex: where are you now, Lord Shiva ?

Sarita and I, alongwith some great field people, spent the morning today talking to Hijras - the third sex - , blessed by the great Lord Shiva him/herself, according to our mythology. I had met them a few months ago, and their problems then - about lack of identity papers, money, livelihood, medical care, food and shelter, not to mention stigma and discrimination - are still their problems today. Mausi' s story (see earlier post) is heart-rending. I want to say that is the reality of these people, everything is heart-rending. The things we take for granted are out of reach for them. Not just the roti, kapda aur makaan, but also basic grappling with who they are in a society that simply does not want to see them. They proudly say to us - we are hijras, we can go anywhere -, but when asked where they feel safe, they talk about their small commune. They are of all ages, graceful beyond belief at times, flashing eyes and oozing attitude. They favour bright sarees and brighter make-up, and dance with grace and vigour. They fall madly in love, and make devoted wives/partners. To what avail ? They have no options beyond the sex trade and begging. We seek their blessings at our functions, but reject them with savagery at all other times. What can we do for them ? Let's think about it.

Mausi

62 Year old Mausi (as most people call her) is a hijra who was born apparently a male, however sees her self as a female. She has been in Bhubaneswar since the past twenty years, and currently lives within the hijra community Bhubaneswar. She is vocal and outspoken about the discrimination that hijra's face when they go out to earn money by begging or through prostitution.

Now that she is old she has not been working and she does not have any earning. Her community members take care of her, and she does menial work around the place that she lives in. What touched me about her is the disadvantages that she has to face being a hijra first and with age not being on her side. What touches me about all the hijras that I meet during my course of work is the disadvantages that they feel that they have been born with and the discrimination that they face to live. I look around at the sea of faces of all the hijras that I am meeting trying to learn more about their lives and their living and trying to make sense of everything that they have been sharing with me; the things that they would love to possess and that we take for granted, not having a identity in a city like Bhubaneswar, not having a voters card, not having a bank account, not being able to access basic services in the hospital.

I am humbled by the fact that respect, rights and dignity are available to so few and so many are left out, I am one of the selected few who has never had to raise my voice to get these.

I do hope that when the next time we see a hijra begging or walking past us, we do not laugh or ridicule them, and respect the diversity of sexuality and sexual orientation.

Sidharth Gautam Film Festival

Yesterday a friend of mine working in a NGO invited me to participate in Siddharth Gautam Film Festival a festival with a difference which primarily focused on gender, sexuality, human rights, sexual health and HIV. It sounded interesting and I was interested, being a gay, 21 year old yet to come out of the closet for me it has been tiring as I constantly had to hide my sexuality in the Engineering college that I studied in, I hung on to girls hoping nobody would recognize my sexual orientation. I went to this workshop as I was hoping to maybe get some answers from the movies I see, look for someone who would provide me with answers on how to deal with myself and my sexuality The inaugural was predictable with a Government Official coming out and happily patting his back on the outstanding achievement of his department, and the movies that his department has been sponsoring. After the inaugural, I am not sure what his name is but a gentlemen gave a brief description on Sidharth Gautam, which was impressive and I really expected the movies that would be shown would be impressive and speak about the issues that Sidharth Gautam was passionate about. What a comedown!!

The first movie shown was Ame Chaari (We four), a shoddy movie, about four people, three male, one female and one adolescent (the story was about five people, but was called Ame Chaari, not sure why). the incidents in these four people's live happened in four different areas, and places but the same pink room was shown for all the four stories. The acting was stilted, stiff and the stories were tacky, what bothered me was that the Director had not even made an effort to understand the entire gamut of issues related to HIV/AIDS. This it seems was directed by Mr. Pranab Das, who once upon a time had made a national level award winning movie, 'Hakim Babu'

The second movie was Mamata Ra Phula, developed for the Department of Women and Child by Sritam Das, a Popular Oriya film star?? and this movie was bizarre, with the Director giving a weird explanation as to why he could not do better than what he was doing, a poster which was shown when the women was pregnant with a girl child was still visible after twenty five years. and the new born child private parts was kept exposed to show that a girl child was born, but failed to show that a new born child would still have the end of the umbilical chord sticking out of her navel, whereas this child was a healthy clean larger baby.

The third movie was Bhul Re Bhul Karani: A movie which started well showing the lives of Transgenders, but ultimately lost itself and ended as a foolish, abrupt, inaccurate end.

In the end they tried to show us a movie called 68 pages, which looked good and enjoyable which was trying to focus and dealing not only with HIV/AIDS but also sexuality, rights, but this ended abruptly with the organizers giving a weak explanation about how the time is up and if anybody was interested they could come to their NGO to see it.

What was good was the effort of the organizers, but was bad was that there was no effort on the part of the organizers to reject movies which are shoddy, and perpetrate the us and them. The filmmakers who were present in the panel discussion made no sense, as they themselves were unaware about sexuality and sexual orientation. They even could not differentiate between jouna, jounata, jounatwa and jouna kriya (sex, sexual, and sexuality, sexual intercourse). I hope the organizers as well as filmmakers read this, as it is important that if you are thinking of a alternative film festival then you have to put in a lot of your thought to ensure that our lives reflect reality, not drama which has the potential to do more harm than good.

Did I get my answers to my dilemma ?? no but I hope to soon.

Sohamm.

Did I get answers to my dilemma

Mr. Sarat Pujari

Yesterday I met and introduced myself to a gentleman, with whom I had the most interesting conversation. Mr. Sarat Pujari, a brilliant actor, who in a span of fifty years has acted in fifty Oriya movies,he could be called yesteryear's superstar of Oriya movies but prefers calling himself a educationist. He is at ease talking about renaissance painters and Guru Kelucharan's dance and the education system in India and what ails it.

What impressed me about him was his ideas which were young and held a number of questions which probably will remain unanswered. He has reached a stage, (he probably is in his mid seventies) where he can detach himself and look into issues dispassionately. Through out my conversation with him never once did he compare the old with the new, nor did he look into the past, he talked about the present education system and what can be done to improve that. He has been interested in child issues, women empowerment and has been working on these issues with leading NGOs of Orissa, he talked about sexuality education, and child abuse with me, which were touching, realistic and a completely different perspective which made me think. But sadly enough I doubt it if anybody is interested to hear him out. Mr. Pujari himself realizes that people call him to be the Chief Guest because he is an,'ACTOR' not because anybody wants to listen to him.

Lovely man, I do hope I get the opportunity to hear him again.

Sarita.

Sexual abuse in childhood: the aftermath

Sexual abuse of children, in all its ghastly forms, is rooted in the deep denial that exists in our society. The perverts who prey on children read their vulnerability as weakness. We adults allow them to, because we are not willing to enter their dark world and confront them as the evil that they are.

I cannot stress enough on what irreparable damage such abuse does to an innocent, somebody whose consciousness does not include manipulation, lies, coercion, and other perversion. It is not only the physical act that terrifies and humiliates, it is the sense of utter helplessness and aloneness that is killing.

So many of the victims suffer from amnesia regarding their abuse, often well into adult life. But the reality is that the memory never dies, it lives on in the subconscious and grows stronger with time. Worst of all, it directs the victim's every choice and action, like an invisible puppet-master.

Is this a price that any human being, much less a child, should have to pay ? That too for another person's few minutes of pleasure, if that is what it can be called ?

Films to be seen: Jan 24 2009

Jan 24th, IDCOL House, Ashok Nagar. Film shows on gender, sexuality, human rights and HIV. Film screening and panel discussion. BE THERE !

Voluntary Organizations in Orissa 'a perspective'

There are lot of gray areas in functioning and Governance of the Non Government Organization,/Voluntary Organizations and it is important and imperative that we need to address questions about their accountability, transparency and role, . Though the NGO /VO sector provides an excellent opportunity for individual excellence and innovation, which may show a different and positive direction to the growth of civil society, however this has not universally happened.

There have been sporadic good practices but this system has not been able to recognize meritorious and credible Voluntary Organizations working in the various corners of the country. For us it is important to highlight the positive good practices and replicate them for community empowerment.

There is a need for debate on the issue of autonomy of NGOs which should come along with responsibility. And the NGOs themselves should come together to establish a regulatory and promoting body that will address these issues and facilitate the functioning and growth of credible NGOs/VOs in positive direction.

Bijoy

Voluntary Organizations In Orissa

Today for the first time I am short of words, I have not been able to understand how Voluntary Organizations in Orissa have placed themselves. As per my knowledge Voluntary Organization can broadly be classified as per the roles they perform and they are as follows:

1. Public Service Contractors (Provide services for a fee).
2. Collaborators(Those who associate with Government or agencies for a particular cause or issue).
3. Social Innovators (those who ensure social changes through innovative ideas).
4. Builders of Civil Society Institutions, (those who facilitate in building up core civil society building)
5. Last but not the least Social Critics and Policy Innovators.

In Orissa as far as I know most of the organizations work as Public Service Contractors, even INGOs who enter into an agreement to work as Collaborators are soon working as Public Service Contractors, Look at Care-India or Action AID all of them are currently extensions of Government, they have established themselves as Technical Resource Units for Government, but in every meeting that you go, they act as representatives of the Government, and justify and support initiatives of the Government even if they are faulty and lack the necessary insight and are anti poor.

When you get grant funding and you try to package yourself as per the Governments' will and wishes,then does it not affect civil society movement and the very foundation of establishing a Voluntary Organization? Looking at the scenario don't you think we have lost our prerogative of questioning the Governments political will and need to question ourselves and our ability to speak out?

I hope I get more ideas and opinions on this and hopefully people associating themselves and working with Voluntary organizations are going to go through this and say you are wrong, this is not what we do in Orissa.......

Sarita

Employing children as domestic help: it is physical abuse

If you have children below the age of 16 working in your house in whatever capacity, please immediately release them from this bondage. It is wrong in every way. When children are hired to do our menial work, and provide babysitting to our kids, we deny them the opportunity to study, play, and enjoy the brief time that they have to be the kids that they are. You might feel that you have rescued them from their undoubtedly terrible lives. You are just indulging in a spot of very dubious rationalisation to justify what you know to be wrong. Would you put your child to work ? Or any child of your social class ? Answer this question honestly, and you will be able to do the right thing.

"I was sexually abused as a child": Anon

After visiting this blog, this is what a friend said to me.
"The subject of child sexual abuse is extremely personal for me. I was sexually abused as a child between the ages of 6 and 8, and I have talked about it openly, as I am doing so now.
I was a child who understood that what was happening was wrong, and tried my level best to stop it, by reporting it. I was not believed, but I was able to shame and scare both of my abusers into stopping it. But not before I had been abused over and over, and not before the experience had left deep scars of anger coupled with helplessness.
I will probably feel this way till the end of my life. The sense of violation, a sense of being used like an object, the fear, the shame has seeped into every other relationship in my life, including those that are non-romantic/sexual. Despite herculean efforts, it has still not been possible to forget what happened. I have to deal with it daily.
Why ? Because a couple of selfish, inadequate, completely depraved individuals decided to get their pleasure by using a child's body. They are both still alive, and therefore, they might read this. If so, I want to tell them that what they did is beneath contempt and beyond the understanding of a human being.
For the others who are reading these words, I want to say that this is a scourge, a disease, that should never be condoned. Please talk to your children about all things that exist in this world. Let them know that you love and care for them, and will protect them. Be very protective. The alternative is too horrendous to contemplate. "
I am very sad as I write these words, because I know that this story is something that almost all children, both boys and girls, have experienced.

CHILD ABUSE

Lakshmi the seven year old daughter of my maid Malati is the same age as my younger daughter. Lakshmi adores her 21 year old uncle, Malati's brother. Malati very happily leaves her daughter with her brother when she comes to our house to work. Yesterday, Malati did not leave Lakshmi with her brother but brought her along to my house.

Lakshmi whispered in my years that her brother had sexually abused Lakshmi, and Lakshmi was afraid to go near her uncle. I was shocked and asked Malati whether she had reported this to the police, she had not as she felt it was of no use to report, as no one in her family would believe or support her, and she would unnecessarily be enemies with her family members as her brother would definitely refuse that he ever did anything wrong.

Do we really know the extent of child sexual abuse? oral and physical penetration, by relatives, neighbours, teachers, and relatives are common forms of sexual abuse, children are raped, sodomized and sexually exploited in different ways.

In Puri, in the Telugu basti of Penthakotha, children of the fisher folk are routinely abused with no support or help from anybody. I have seen children with massive sexually transmitted infections. They routinely go to pick up empty bottles to the guest houses in the beaches, where foreigners stay who abuse these children. I met a 17 year old boy who spoke fluent Germany but did not have any formal schooling, who was a sexual mate of 45 year old man from German since the past seven years. He has been promised that he would ultimately be taken away to Germany to live a grand live, and he lives with that dream

I know my friends who have been sexually abused when they were children, and out of shame had never been able to speak to anyone. I know children and adults when they were children, who have been routinely physically abused by their friends, relatives, parents and we justify these forms of abuse on children, saying, spare the rod and spoil the child.

We need to recognize it, and put our foot down to any form of abuse towards children. We are righteously complaining about 'Slum Dog Millionaire' because of its harsh portrayal of what slum children go through. We very happily burst crackers in Diwali and during marriages made by children of Sivakasi, we very happily wear bangles and take pride in our marriage and our family not knowing that they probably come from the glass factories of Firozabad, Agra, where young children are forced to work. in terrible conditions. These are forms of exploitation and abuse, denial and discrimination, 'WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE IT'

We need to sit down with our children give them some time, discuss with them the forms of discrimination, help them to recognize sexual abuse, physical abuse, discrimination, as these are long lasting and leave deep scars on the child's personality.

I dont mean to sound morbid, and I dont mean to say that what I have been saying is right, what I want to do is to help all who access this site into thinking that probably there is more to life than a good job, a good house and a good life.

Sanjay Dutt and his Prepostorous statement in today's Times of India.

In today's Times of India, Mr. Sanjay Dutt has stated the following,"Girls who become part of a new family after marriage must assume their new surname and all the responsibilities that come with it".

What does Mr. Dutt mean by this, does he mean that girls who do not change their surname are not loyal do not take responsibility of their husband's family, girls who take the responsibility of their parents cannot do justice to their own married life and their own families responsibility. Mr. Dutt should have come out with this statement when he was in jail for a horrendous crime that he committed, Mr. Dutt should have come out with this statement when he had nexus with the mafia from Dubai and his sisters and his father stood by him. I do not care about the likes of Mr. Sanjay Dutt, who believe that the role of the daughter in her parents life ends as soon as the daughter gets married. A son who never cared for the father's name or gave father dignity that he deserved when he was alive, the daughters were the ones who stood by Mr. Sunil Dutt when he was alive. He now is talking about his father's legacy and who inherits the legacy.

Hats off!! Mr. Sanjay Dutt, India is proud of your views and opinions.

Living with Dignity Blog

I am very new to blogs, when I developed this blog I thought why not this could at least be a forum for all of those who I have been working for and who actually want to be heard. I was excited and my friends working in the development field and also those friends who do not work in this field but sympathize with the "big cause" really egged my to open the blog page.

I was excited, and did it, I called literally each of my friends up and asked them to contribute about issues, incidences, cases,causes, opinions, defining moments, and everybody was like yes we will do it, but strangely enough except for a few actually none of them had anything to say, Surprised of course I am. When I have colloquiums, discussions and meetings in my office, everybody wants to talk, but through the blog very few want to speak.

I don't mean to point fingers at any of my friends, it is just that every day people who have been stigmatized drop by at my office, these are sad stories, yesterday a a young man of 18 from of a premier Engineering College dropped by to tell how he was harassed for his sexual orientation and his mannerisms, he said, "Madam, I try to control my mannerisms, but the more I do the more pronounced it becomes. I just don't know what to do, i want to be accepted and complete my studies.

A week back, we had to go to a village in Orissa, where a widow and her family had been beaten black and blue and kicked out of the village, their crime, her husband had died of AIDS related illnesses, and she was HIV positive.

In our neighbourhood, a women of 72 lives alone, as her children are in far off places, and she drops by everyday during her morning walk and the reason, my house is the noisiest, dogs barking children howling, me shouting. She has a cup of coffee and shares her stories of isolation from others.

is it not apt that I have named this blog Living with dignity.

Today I went on to Mr. Amitabh Bachhan's blog bigb.bigadda.com to see what makes 400-500 followers, everyday come and peep into the site, read Mr. Bachhan's words of wisdom?? Oh yeah! him talking about Akshay Kumar and Deepika and their movies premiere in London, his discussions about the entire Bachhan clan, his opinions against the phenomenal movie, "Slum dog Millionaire".

I think I need to cultivate a few filmi friends to make this blog work.

Regards,

Sareeta

Denial, Stigma & Discrimination

Denial, Stigma and Discrimination (DSD) are some of the terms we rarely use in Orissa,

Why is it?

Is it because it has never happened in Orissa, it is because nobody ever speaks about it. Or is it because nobody feels it is important to address.

Have there been any documentation on on Denial, Stigma and Discrimination (DSD). NO! we from Orissa have always been bad at documenting anything, maybe some intellectuals from other parts of the country will come and document it.

We carried out a series of workshops with hospitals, and in each of these workshops very few (one or two) staffs of the hospital have participated. ODISHA One has come across bitter experiences of Denial, Stigma and Discrimination (DSD) against PLHIVs in many of the public and private health care settings. And very rarely have we been able to address these issues as the political will seems to be missing, and also the fractured NGO groups does not seem to have helped, let us face it Government is the largest donor organizations for small NGOs in Orissa and nobody would like to be caught as a disturbing element in these so called smooth setting.

In Orissa everybody talks of Denial Stigma and Discrimination in one breath, nobody differentiates Denial from Stigma or Discrimination nor does anybody have any strategies to address these, Denial is rarely mentioned. PLHIVs are often refused treatment and surgery, denied admission to hospitals. What is scary is that these are neither reported nor any action taken against anybody. The worst part is in prescriptions in the column of disease AIDS is written, the rationale behind it as stated by a Doctor, “we have a responsibility to mention it so that any other Doctor who sees the prescription knows it and takes precaution”. What about responsibility towards your client the patient.

Universal Precaution is almost like Greek and Latin to majority of the health care professional, very rarely do we see them adhering to it. When asked one of them said, “Do you think that is going to protect us from AIDS, you NGO guys no nothing and make most amount of noise?

In trainings too we have not talked about Denial Stigma and Discrimination openly but the time is now, all those modules on trainings on Denial, Stigma and Discrimination needs to be used and ordinary people, professionals, and even trainers need to be aware on what denial of basic services does to a ordinary human being, what does stigma do to the self esteem of a ordinary human being and how does discrimination isolate a ordinary human being from the people s/he loves.

Please speak out, speak against and fight against Denial, Stigma and Discrimination. We would like to hear from you incidences, cases, ideas to address DSD and how best to fight against it.

'I am going to die....' : one hour with D/ 13 jan 2009

( IDU - someone who injects drugs using a syringe, and is at 90% risk of contracting HIV. PLHA - a person who is infected with HIV and may have AIDS ).
'I am going to die'. I heard these words y'day, when I was interviewing an IDU/PLHA called D. He told me that he had been tested for HIV, but was in the clear. (His peers told me about his status, and his attitude of denial). He had a fixed, bright smile on his face when he mentioned this, as if he expected me to challenge him. D is 22, and has been injecting for 4 years, of which 3 years has been with shared needles. He has been through de-addiction twice, with stays over a month. But each time, the relapse has followed shortly. D is stoic when he talks about himself. He describes addiction as a process, which, once started, is impossible to stop or get out of. I asked him how he saw his immediate future, the next 6 months. He said " I am going to die, if I don't stop taking drugs...". He is the only son of poor parents, who work for BBSR Municipality.
D presently works as a sweeper, earning Rs. 1400 a month. He needs about Rs. 100 a day to support his habit, Rs. 70 for the 2 liquid drugs and a syringe/needle, and Rs. 30 for the auto fare to get him through a distance of 3/4 kms from Kharvela Nagar to Sahid Nagar and back. He is unable to walk or travel by public transport, because he is uncertain of his own strength. He takes Rs. 1500 from his parents each month, small amounts every other day or so, by exxagerating his symptoms, until he manages to scare his parents.
He does not apologise for or try to justify his behaviour. He told me that he started taking drugs because he had friends who did so. He grimaces as he talks about these things, and his eyes plead for understanding and forgiveness. I have to struggle to maintain my composure, and my professional distance as a researcher. It is 8.30 in the morning, and we are sitting on a wooden bench outside a tea-stall. The local police station is next door. D is wearing dirty shorts, a T-shirt, his head is shaved. His body language is that of someone who is waiting for something terrible to happen. He is unwilling to look into my face, and when he does, his eyes moisten.
I ask him to talk to me about what the drug does when it enters his body. He is unable to put it into words, but he talks about his 'head spinning'.

He also talks about needing more and more daily, just to get the high that he needs. he talks about withdrawal symptoms, and the many times he has hurt himself. He shows me his lower arm, I am able to trace the track marks that run all over like ridges. His legs have even more. He shows me a huge scar at the back of his head, where he had cracked it open after a bad injecting episode. It was crudely stiched up by a local sweeper called Kalia, since D did not want to spend his drug money on doctors and medicines.

I am drinking my second glass of tea, but D is still holding his first. He says he is never hungry, and the only thing that stays in his stomach is rice. All of a sudden, I am not hungry, either.

I next talk to a counseller called J, who works with D and other IDUs in the locality. J is a touchstone for them, being an IDU who has not just got through recovery but is able to help them to try and do so. J is a cheerfully realistic person, somebody who is naturally empathetic. I ask him how he manages to stay so cheerful, he says - I get love and support from these people.

Every day, when I talk to my research subjects, I experience a churning inside. I see the issues of SRH ( Sexual and Reproductive Health) vulnerability in terms of people's lives and the pressures that drive their behaviour, the pressures of ignorance, acute want, no work and no money, and ultimately, no prospects. When your life is defined by getting through the next day, where is the scope for more aware behaviour ? Why would I bother to use a condom, when sex itself is mechanical, a 10-second process of numbing myself to my painful reality ?

Yet, there are the Js, and the Ds who want to be like J. That is the reason why I go to work every day, and that is the reason why I am telling D's story. Thank you, D.

Stigma and discrimination: some thoughts

Stigma is the taint, discrimination the ugly scar. What about self-stigma ? I was at a drop-in centre for recovering Injecting Drug Users (IDUs), a couple of days back. My co-researcher B is a rcovering IDU and a founder of a support group called Hope Foundation, and it was through his contacts that we are doing research on IDUs, and their risky behaviour etc., etc. As we walked in, somebody came up and hugged B. Let's call him X. (For those of you new to this area, we are not disclosing identities because of confidentiality reasons). X was the most emaciated human being I have ever met. His skin seemed stretched over his frame in a way that looked alarming. I wanted to reach out and wrap him up. It was then that I noticed his eyes. Clear, focused, and smiling. I felt suddenly tearful, because his eyes said more about the need for support grpoups and drop-in centres than any of my research could have done. He looked at me with understanding, and I suddenly saw my work in an entirely different light. My elaborate structured questionnaire on the knowledge and practices of IDUs became redundant in that moment. Stigma and discrimination still existed, but X had overcome the most important stigma of all - self-stigma. And that would be key in his breaking through his addictive behaviour.

Media Reporting on HIV-infected blood as a murder weapon

Media reporting can and often is insensitive. The Times of India ran an article sometime last week, talking about how 'spurned perverts' infect their hated ones with HIV-infected blood. We like the fact that you called them perverts, TOI, but was it necessary to give the details. Many wannabe perverts are probably sharpening their syringes, having taken notes from your article. I am not a news person, and I don't have any suggestion for how you should report this kind of news. But it should not be anything that puts any such dangerous idea in anybody's head.

Let me draw your attention to the photograph on this blog site. I believe I took this on 1 Dec 2008. At a candlelight vigil to celebrate World AIDS Day. Take a good look at the picture, please, because I have a question for you. I know all the people in the pic well. You might not. Can you tell me which ones are HIV-positive, recovering addicts, homosexual, or none of the above ? You don't have an answer, do you ? How can you ? The people in the picture don't look any different from you or me, and certainly not out of the ordinary. In fact, they seem to be having a perfectly normal celebration. Look again. And again and again. Nothing will change. Except maybe your perspective has. If yes, send invites to this blog/post on to everyone you know. A small right-click for you, a giant step for human rights. Thanks.

MIgration & HIV

on 7-8 January a regional consultative meeting was held in CYSD on Migration & HIV, this meeting was facilitated by SPYM a organization from New Delhi and financed and supported by UNDP, the suggestions and findings from this workshop would feed into the National level consultative meet on Migration & HIV in New Delhi. Plans are to conduct four such meeting, two have already been conducted and two more will be conducted shortly in other states. The recommendations and findings of these workshop will feed into the national level workshop and a strategy will be developed by Government of India to address Migration and HIV. A good initiative and it is needed, as migration especially distress migration needs to be addressed at all levels.

Heights of insensitivity in the workshop:

A high ranking gentleman of Government of Orissa invited to be the chief speaker on Day II spoke of the following:

a. Educated men going to foreign shores and no statistics on the number of them leaving our shores.
b. People forge data on distress migration and inflate it. As a result this is questioned in the assembly and departments have trouble answering it.

A professional Lady who is currently working in the mainstreaming of HIV/AIDS unit, Government of Orissa spoke of how mainstreaming does not only address migration and mainstreaming is not the answer for all problems related to migration and she was there in the workshop because she was working in mainstreaming unit and was asked to participate in the process.

what was good about the workshop:

1. People are taking distress migration seriously and actually thinking of ways to address issues related to distress migration.
2. This was a forum where NGOs /CBOs were actually asked for their opinion and what they feel can be done.

what should raise our concern:

1. Poverty and livelihood are still major concerns and this needs to be addressed on a priority basis

2. People working with the Government or people closely allied to it still feel that everything cannot be addressed, and they are not responsible for addressing migration and issues related to it.

3. NGOs data on migration is still not recognized, neither is there any effort by Government to collect data on migration.

4. The needs of the migrants are not taken as a issue either at the destination(place of work) or at the source(home). As a result you will find a increase in the number of cases reported in the media on sexual & physical abuse, increase of HIV/AIDS, other diseases like RTIs/STIs, suicides, exploitations, physical abuse, killings etc.

Attending workshops like this show us how inadequate our work is and how chaotic our world is.

Telephone Help Line

Speaking about Reproductive & Sexual Health &HIV/AIDS (SpARSHHA) is a innovative toll free telephone help line, which primarily focuses on clarifying doubts and issues pertaining to Sexual Reproductive Health, Sexual Health and HIV/AIDS.

the TOLL FREE Help Line number is 1 800 345 6769.

The help line is currently active on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays from 10.00.a.m.-- 4.p.m. and the calls can be placed from any remote corner of Orissa.

This is a independent initiative which runs on its own through independent philanthropic donations and has given a voice to all those marginalized groups i.e. sexual minorities, PLHIVs, and also adolescents and youths. The helpline has been open since April 2009, and till date it has received 32 questions these questions range from queries on size and shape of sexual organs to unwanted pregnancy to questions on sexual orientation and how to know about one's own HIV status.

The toll free help line is managed by the consortium members of ODISHA-One. The consortium members are "Hope Foundation" a CBO working on Injecting Drug Users, Sakha, a CBO working on Sexual Minorities, KNP+, a CBO comprising of People Living with HIV/AIDS and idpr, a technical assistance agency. SpARSHHA also takes volunteers and trains them in counseling. this innovative initiative is yet to advertised and publicized.

Lata's Story

Name: Lata (name changed)
Age: 27
Marital Status: Widowed.
Children: Two a 12 year old Daughter and a 9 year old son.

Her Story
In 2004, Lata’s husband 'Jay Kumar' had to be hospitalized, reason he had a severe bout of diarrhea which had dehydrated him. Jay Kumar was taken care of in the hospital at Cuttack by his older brother. Two days after Jay Kumar's hospitalization Lata was taken to the hospital to get her blood tested, nobody talked or explained to her why her blood was being tested. Lata was taken to the hospital twice, and soon after her report was delivered, everybody’s behavior towards her changed. Her mother-in-law beat her and kicked her out of the house.
She went back to her parent’s house. Lata's brother immediately came to meet her husband and in-laws. Lata’s brother returned back angry and slapped Lata and asked her what sin had she committed and who had she slept with. Lata was shocked, she kept denying. Lata's mother believed that her daughter would never do anything wrong and protected her from her brother’s anger. After three months, Lata's brother-in-law came and asked Lata to come back to the house. When Lata returned, her mother-in-law angrily said,” you have given my son AIDS so you have to serve and take care of him". Lata her husband and her children stayed in a ramshackle hut far from the main house, none of the family members came to her house, she was asked to keep take water from a separate pond, and also asked not to come into the main house. Lata’s family was treated as outcastes.

Jaya Kumar died two months later. Soon after he was cremated, Lata's in-laws asked Lata to leave with her two children. Lata now lives with her parents and tries to make some sense of what has happened. Lata for a long time did not know how she got the disease; she believed for a long time that she was the one who gave the disease to her husband. In 2007 she started working with a NGO and realized that she had not given her husband the virus, and her truck driver husband could be the one to give her the virus. The NGO took her and her children to the nearest VCCTC and she got her children tested and also got herself tested, her test came back positive whereas her children were negative. She decided to demand a share of her husband’s property from her in-laws who predictably refused. With the support of the NGO, Lata fought tooth and nail with her husband’s family for her husband's share of the property and finally managed to get his share for the children.


This is a true incident and certain questions that this incident always raises are:

1. How can a hospital test blood without counseling a client?
2. Why are certain quality checks which are mandatory and non negotiable not being promoted in hospitals and by Government which would support and promote the rights of clients?
3. Why are health care providers so callous about the rights of the clients?

I always use this incident in my trainings as we rarely talk in our trainings about ways and key steps to be undertaken to establish strong referral linkage mechanism which would promote spouse/partner counseling. This is important and imperative as our counselors are not well versed and trained in spouse/family counseling nor do they promote it as much as it should be done.

Must Read Books on HIV/AIDS

Two books that have really touched my soul and I am constantly promoting for all to read are:

1. Sex Lies and AIDS by Siddharth Dube
2. AIDS Sutra edited by Negar Akhavi in collaboration with Avahan India AIDS Initiative, Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

Sex Lies & AIDS: by Siddharth Dube was a turning point for me, it was published in 2000 and breaks many stereotypes. This book for the first time focuses on vulnerability and why it is important for all of us to come together to fight the disease. it speaks of the Government programmes, the apathy of the respective states in handling a epidemic of this proportion

AIDS Sutra: Untold Stories of India, published in 2008 has a foreword by Amartya Sen and 16 award winning authors write about the epidemic it not only focuses on how the Devdasis, hijras, truck drivers and sex workers are grappling with the disease, but it also focuses on HIV among the affluent and the privileged. These books will give us an insight on the need for empathy and compassion.