Growing up

I dont remember much about my childhood but it seems when I was two years old and I had long hair( my mother during her pregnancy had offered my hair in her village temple if she would have a son) my sisters used to braid it and dress me up as a girl and whereever they would take me people would say, 'what a sweet girl'. While I was growing up this was a story that I loved hearing. I loved dressing up in my sisters chuni, wear my sisters bangle and bindi. No one said much when I did these things. But everything changed when I was eleven. For one of my school function I dressed up as Sita and my best friend(who is still my best friend and my partner) was dressed up as Ram. I enjoyed myself as Sita and tried to also copy mannerisms of a feminine sita, waving my hand, swaying my hips etc. THe parents of all the students including my parents participated in that function. When I returned back home after the function my father slapped me and forbidded me to participate in any of the school functions.
That was the first time I realized that I had crossed my boundary where behaviour and dressing up was concerned, and as a BOY it is forbiddent to dress up in anything else other than pant and shirt.

Now I am 21 I still sometimes have the urge to try on some of the feminine accessories, like bangles, ear rings, nail polish but cannot, it is scary if I get caught again what will happen will I be again beaten up by my father or asked to leave the house? I dont know and I dont have the guts to try and see what will happen, maybe once I finish my studies and get a job. I will get the guts to do that. Let us see what will happen then.

Sohamm.