The anatomy of sexual abuse:

Since the past few months stories of sexual abuse(within homes) have been coming out in the open, Josep Fritzl in Austria and closer home is the Mumbai rape of a daughter by her father and the Shimla rape of children with disability by teachers in their own school. The reactions were surprising; many did not believe that this could be happening in India. Parents abuse both physical and sexual is quite common in India, we just don’t talk about it or like to think that it happens in India, we belief that all this is western import and safely brush it under the carpet.

Bad parenting is the worst possible secret in India, we turn our sons into bullies who revel in physical brutality, and we force our daughters to passively accept what is being doled out to them. In India we do believe that families do not require counselling on parenting, we believe that it is automatically learnt (as we believe sex is automatically learnt and should not be talked, discussed or be taught) once we have children.
One of my acquaintance has a son below 18 who is really spoilt, vicious, manipulative, and communal to the core, I and people around her believe that he requires counselling, the mother of this bully has stopped talking to us as she believes that only mentally ill people go for counselling, I would like to tell her, “Madam, your son is mentally ill, he needs counselling”.

I know a acquaintance who beats up his daughter black and blue for no fault of hers, but each time we bring that up, he would say, ‘I do it for her own good’ otherwise she is going to get spoiled. I know of young boys being sexually abused by their elder cousins, uncles and their fathers’ friend. In fact recently a man in his thirties who had come for counselling shared with me his story where as a young child of 8 a 18 year old cousin had lured him to oral sex and that happened a number of times before he realized that something was wrong and started hiding from him, his parents would constantly push him to be with his elder cousin and beat him up when he refused to go near him. .

I know about a NGO in one of the Districts of Orissa who manage a womens shelter where young girls are brutally and sexually exploited by the chief and staff of the NGO. These are Government sponsored shelters, where monitoring is lax and where the person who monitors can be bought with a Rs. 599/- Peter England Shirt.

What have we been doing about this?? Nothing really because there is no established mechanism which will hear your stories and take necessary actions, nor do people think that this is a issue that needs attention.

More of these cases need to come out in the open and should be highlighted, so that we don't think that these incidences are BIZARRE, RARE and does not happen in a TRADITIONAL?? CARING?? FAMILY ORIENTED?? country like India, and more importantly it will make other family members aware and alert to these possibilities that might be happening under their nose.

Ultimately our goal should be to prevent and protect the tender and innocent children who still probably cannot comprehend that a crime has been perpetrated against them by the very near and dear ones that they love and cherish.

SARITA