What I believe in

There are certain issues which do have divergent beliefs, and this is one of the issues which has many divergent opinions, ideas and beliefs. This is an issue which can be debated if there is an openness and honesty to learn, understand and empathize. However many a times many of the views are contradictory, and highly prejudiced and unashamedly antihuman, and I would not like to argue for the sake of an arguement. This personally I feel is unhealthy and somehow does not do much to the cause that one believes in. I neither like debating about it or fighting with people to change their view. However my views on this is as follows:

For me homosexuality is something that one is, an unchosen orientation. Sexuality is genetically predetermined perhaps with some unknown environmental factor in early childhood which "turns on" the gene or genes. Neither heterosexuality, bisexuality, nor homosexuality is inherently sinful. IT IS FREE OF SIN if it is safe, consensual and, I do know many of my gay friends who are in a committed relationship, and are absolutely faithful to their partners. YES. Official recognition and legal approval of their relationship and government benefits are a fundamental civil right.

THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE IN.

Hope this helps.

Sarita

Are we disturbing the social system?

Recently, I have an argument with one of my friend on Gender, sex & sexuality. According to him, we people are disturbing & destroying the social strictures. He is very religionist also. He argued that we should not encourage these sexual minorities i.e. LGBTQ. We are welcoming the western culture & destroying our great Indian culture. Then, I countered him by telling about core values of SRH i.e. we should give respect & dignity to the existed diversities of choices to achieve the equality. It’s the right of an individual whatever may be his sexual orientation. We should be empathetic towards LGBTQ as they are struggling each moment to prove their identity in this heterosexual monogamous society. Like A gay’s sexual orientation is towards a man only. He can not accept to have sex with a female. It’s not their fault. God has created like this. Each moment they are in turmoil & we people make them more vulnerable & harassed by putting stereotype questions.

If we shall not approve their sexual orientation, then whether we are not barring them from their basic need (sex)? We can not live without it. Then, what’s about their urge, rights? He questioned me that can I get married or have sex with my brother? My answer was ‘no’. Again, he told that a time will come Mother will tell that she has sexual orientation towards her daughter(with consensus) or brother will say he has sexual orientation towards his sister. At that time again a few NGO will bred up & do advocacy or fight for their rights or mobilize people to respect their choices keeping in view of 05 core values of SRH because, we should respect to their sexual orientation. I did not accept it. At last, he concluded that we people are doing a mumbo-jumbo in the name of social service. They are not really needy.

After that moment, I am feeling very unrest because I was not able to mobilize him by giving sufficient justifications. How can I justify my work? I know I am right. But, I have no strong argument to counter his question.

Dear friends, Can anybody help me? Are you also facing such problems? If yes, how you handle it assertively?

A query

I recently recieved a query through SMS ( am unable to trace the number in my mobile)as follows:
What is second republic mentality in participatory programming?
Frankly to tell you the truth I donot have the answer to this, however I have tried to break the term up and understand what that exactly means.

Republic if I put it simply refers to being governed by elected representative of the people and a elected president(e.g Republic of China).

Mentality refers to a particular person's way of thinking.

Participatory programming refers to a process that involves all the stakeholders into a process or activity and produces certain outcomes which would be beneficial to all the stakeholders.

I am really not sure how to link all these terms up and come up with a definite answer, so all you blog readers if you have the answer to this, please respond, as I too am curious to know what 'second republic mentality in participatory programming refers to.

Sarita

Let kids be kids

Hi, all. Been busy with an exciting new project with trans-gender people, but more on that later. I want to talk today about something close to my heart - the abuse of children. There is a photograph with me today. It is of a little girl of 9 years, who aspires to act in films. Her fond parents have got a portfolio shot recently. So what is the problem ? You have to see the picture to understand it. She is wearing a little precocious off-shoulder dress, has on professional make-up and jewellery, and has posed in an artlessly, kittenish manner. This picture sends chills down my spine. It is an open invitation to predators. Her parents informed me that they were considering posting it on the Internet. My blood runs cold at the thought. But this is the norm today, isn't it? I know that kids naturally love acting/attracting attention, but at what cost ? Why is it that the parents and the photographer did not see what I see ? DENIAL, that's why. Common sense and the naturally protective instinct of a parent chased away by the dream of having a successful child. Let your kid be a kid, please. She is already successful if she has your love and understanding, and the opportunity to learn. A lot of kids will never know these things.

gender dysphoria

I was going through a medical journal when i came through certain terms like gender dysphoria, gender identity disorder, transexualism. its confusing to sort out the exact definition for all the three or may be they have a similar meaning.


people who experience discord between their gender and expectations of others or whose gender identity conflicts with their body, manifesting as depression or inability to work and form healthy relationships with others is referred to as gender dysphoria or gender identity disorder. transgender people may be eligible for diagnosis of GID only if [being transgender] causes distress or disability. This diagnosis is often over-simplified to mean that simply being transgender means a person suffers from GID which is not true. Transgender people who are comfortable with their gender, whose gender does not directly cause inner frustration or impair their functioning, do not have GID and are not applicable for a related mental disorder. Further, GID is not permanent and is usually resolved through therapy and transitioning, especially its social aspects. Neither does GID imply an opinion of immorality - the psychological establishment holds the position that people with any kind of mental or emotional problem should not receive stigma. The solution for GID is whatever will alleviate suffering and restore functionality; this often, but not always, consists of undergoing a gender transition. Transgender issues are both new in the scientific field and affect relatively few people, so understandably many mental healthcare providers know little about transgender issues. People seeking help from these professionals often end up educating the professional rather than receiving help. However, gender identity is new to psychology and research is still in its infancy.

A Buddhist perspective on DSD

Sujata, a young disciple once asked Buddha, the enlightened one to teach her the things which would be easily understood.

Buddha the enlightened one said, ‘you are all intelligent children and I am sure you will be able to understand and practice things I will share with you…. When you children peel a tangerine (fruit like a small orange with loose skin) you can eat it with awareness or without awareness. What does it mean to eat a tangerine in awareness? When you are eating with awareness you fully experience its lovely fragrance and sweet taste. When you peel the tangerine you know that you are peeling the tangerine; when you remove a slice and put it in your mouth; you know that you are removing a slice and putting it in your mouth; when you experience the lovely fragrance and sweet taste of the tangerine, you are aware that you are experiencing the lovely fragrance and sweet taste of the tangerine, and you eat each morsel in awareness, chew each bite to get the most out of that morsel and saw how precious and wonderful taste the smell of each section of the tangerine is. When I eat the tangerine I do not forget how wonderful the tangerine is. And thus the tangerine is real; the person eating it is real. That is what it means to eat a tangerine in awareness.

When you eat a tangerine without awareness? You do not know that you are eating a tangerine; you do not experience the lovely fragrance and sweet taste of the tangerine. When you peel the tangerine you do not know that you are peeling the tangerine. You do not experience the lovely fragrance and the sweet taste of the tangerine. You gobble it up, without appreciating the sweetness or fragrance of the fruit. If you are unaware then you eat the tangerine in such a way that you cannot appreciate how wonderful and precious this fruit is. If you are not aware that you are eating the tangerine, it is not real, neither is the person eating it is real. That is eating a tangerine without awareness.

“A person who practices mindfulness and is conscious and aware of his/her action then you can see the beauty of each and every individual. Like a tangerine if one is aware than one sees thousand things which have made the tangerine possible. If you pay attention and are aware as to how you talk with others, how you perceive others without knowing them, how to avoid thoughts and actions that might hurt, cause sorrow and hatred, then you make very few mistakes and also learn to respect each living being”.

I love this story, this is in a book written by THICH NHAT HANH a Vietnamese Buddhist monk titled, ‘ Old Path White Clouds’ and somehow aptly sums up stigma and discrimination, awareness of your thought and action helps in understanding the five core values of human rights, Dignity, Respect, Choice, Equality and Diversity. Awareness of one own action and creating awareness amongst others is probably the best way to ensure Denial, Stigma and Discrimination are prevented.

Growing up

I dont remember much about my childhood but it seems when I was two years old and I had long hair( my mother during her pregnancy had offered my hair in her village temple if she would have a son) my sisters used to braid it and dress me up as a girl and whereever they would take me people would say, 'what a sweet girl'. While I was growing up this was a story that I loved hearing. I loved dressing up in my sisters chuni, wear my sisters bangle and bindi. No one said much when I did these things. But everything changed when I was eleven. For one of my school function I dressed up as Sita and my best friend(who is still my best friend and my partner) was dressed up as Ram. I enjoyed myself as Sita and tried to also copy mannerisms of a feminine sita, waving my hand, swaying my hips etc. THe parents of all the students including my parents participated in that function. When I returned back home after the function my father slapped me and forbidded me to participate in any of the school functions.
That was the first time I realized that I had crossed my boundary where behaviour and dressing up was concerned, and as a BOY it is forbiddent to dress up in anything else other than pant and shirt.

Now I am 21 I still sometimes have the urge to try on some of the feminine accessories, like bangles, ear rings, nail polish but cannot, it is scary if I get caught again what will happen will I be again beaten up by my father or asked to leave the house? I dont know and I dont have the guts to try and see what will happen, maybe once I finish my studies and get a job. I will get the guts to do that. Let us see what will happen then.

Sohamm.

Sex and sprirituality: the same, perhaps ?

Sex, sexuality, religion and spirituality..... explosive, contentious topics. The last four posts, passionately written as they are, are indicative of just how much intensity of emotion and depth of thinking these topics can generate.

Both sex, the act and the impulse, and spirituality, the feeling and the action, are the underpinnings of human life....part of our DNA, they come into being the moment we are conceived. And if GOD is the absence of ego, the known and self-identified, and ultimately, divisive self,

then both sex and spirituality lead to GOD.

How ? The moment of orgasm is the moment of 'no-thought', an eon contained in a second. So is the moment in meditation, where all awareness of body and mind disappears, as does time and space.

Whether we find the moment of 'no-thought' in an intense culmination of a physical and emotional act of sex, or through the sublime sense of one-ness that is spirituality, what does it matter ?

God in pain!!

If God is One!! why is this cry on religion discrimination??

If we, living organisms are his creation!! why is this animal slaughter??

If human beings are his superior creation!! why is this racial discrimination??

I slept pondering over this matter when a blaze awoke me. A voice from the dark clouds yelled at me "you are the almighty for a single day!! do as you wish" my eyes wide open with a stiffened body I dragged myself out of the cot. The world to which I belong is spoilt I dream to build a new one with innocent human beings untouched by the shadow of the previous one, this was my only wish at that very moment. Every thing happened as I wished...a new colourful world, new human beings, beautiful creatures all around. Oh I was glad to have my children so lovely and lively. Every one is dear to me, I love them all. My heart shatters at the cry of even the tiniest among them. I cant see them in pain, I feel proud when they love and respect each other as they belong to one creator. Whatever shape or size they may acquire they have a common thing i.e life which is my valuable invention.. Pleased to see everything in the right path I relaxed on my divine couch, when my heart pounded at the glance of a being standing in the middle with cruel eyes on it. The timid creature looked frightened and bewildered not finding where to accomodate itself. The plants, the birds, the insects, the fishes and the animals didnt accept it!! my favourite creature human beings didnt accept it too...'it was neither a male nor a female!!' was the ground of all these disputes. But how can I tolerate this?? This was not what I dreamt of.. I sprinkled life on them, a brain to understand, a heart of togetherness then where from this DISCRIMINATION arose?? I love them all how can I see them hating each other?? No..no I had not dreamt of this, I cant see my children dividing among themselves and opting this violence...only few hours left..and I will be snatched away of my power!! what shall I do?? how will I stop them?? they are marching towards the old spoilt dark world. I love them all!! I feel captive ,my limbs chained..my breath sighing, I have no strength, no power.. I failed!! when suddenly I woke up at a whisper to find my mom sitting beside me. I cried 'I failed mom... I love them all!! how painful it would be for God, the one creator to see His valuable inventions going in vain'....

sex, religion, and spiritulity

For me, spiritulity is an individual journey of self discovery. I do not see any contradiction in sex and spirituality, but in my earlier days there was confusion, guilt and misunderstanding , perhaps because of my reading of some religious writings. Religion has other aspects--rituals, structure, followings, social context etc. and eventually gets also politicised. In this process individual understanding may get distorted. One's original , first hand journey may be lost in religions and scriptures. Religions give sanction to certain types of sex, because it has to follow existing social norms or patterns. It has less flexibility because of the structure and rituals. One needs to be aware of this, more so if you do not fall in the path of the majority . Tyranny of the majority can not be avoided. But follow your insticts, keep learning , and ask questions if you want to enjoy the fun of first hand learning.

Sex, Sexuality and Spirituality 2

I love this, I think for us sex, and sexuality has been negative words, as we look into it as something not acceptable by religion, and when you look into the dictionary for the meaning of spirituality it states, ‘the quality of being concerned with deep often religious feelings and beliefs, rather than with the physical parts of life. And by belief we mean ‘what we are made to belief by others’.

Chances are that due to our beliefs we do not question the existing assumptions that that have crept into religion and spirituality and these assumptions have been turned into beliefs the very foundation of spirituality.

And probably this is the reason why in the name of spirituality, religion, and culture we have stopped giving opportunity to certain sections of the populations, certain individuals to, “LIVE WITH THEIR OWN BELIEFS WITH DIGNITY”.

Sarita

sex ,sexuality and spirituality

It’s interesting to watch sexual creatures discuss a completely nonsexual topic and somehow devolve it down to sex. It doesn’t matter if people are discussing theoretical physics, or football, or theology—any topic is an occasion for salacious stories and ends up in sex. It doesn’t take a demon to seduce us from contemplating the face of God and to direct our gaze into other people’s underpants, we do it quite well all on our own.
I wonder how God, who is not a sexual being, views the sexual preoccupations of His sexual creatures, particularly when those sexual creatures esteem themselves as spiritually minded. Probably with a bit of amusement. After all, the joke is on us. Eventually, we will all be cured of our preoccupation with our sexuality. Men who are reading this can remember a time when they dreaded junior-high school teachers who required students to stand when answering a question. When you are 15, it is impossible to go five minutes without thinking about sex, and at 65 it is difficult to think about sex for five minutes. Young people can learn this from scripture, older people know it all too well from personal experience: sexuality fades with age and passes away:

So why this obsession with sex?
We are hybrid beings at the moment, sexual like the animals and spiritual like the angels. The animal part of us serves to redeem the spiritual part of us, and then it will pass away.
Now some say that the purpose of sex is procreation. If we were talking about frogs, I would agree. Frogs play an important role in the ecology—they eat insects. Without frogs, the world would be overrun by insects, triggering some sort of ecological catastrophe. Since frogs die, there must be some way of replacing them, and that way is sex. But sex for frogs involves no virtues and therefore also no vices. Frogs do not live in loving relationships, they are not monogamous, they do not commit adultery, they do not rape, they do not have abortions, they do not abuse their offspring, and tadpoles are neither wanted nor unwanted, nor do they care. Among frogs there are no prostitutes or battered spouses. In the case of frogs, it is true, and I agree, the purpose of sex is procreation.
But in the case of humans I must disagree—for you see, I am not an evolutionary materialist. Unlike frogs, humans play no role in the ecology, in fact, we damage it. If humans were removed from the world, the ecology would suffer no catastrophe, in fact it would probably be better off. Like frogs, humans are in the world, unlike frogs, humans are not of the world. We do not serve the ecology, the ecology serves as the arena of our redemption:
We are the gardeners, it is the garden in which we learn and demonstrate stewardship. Frogs have a function, but humans have a destiny. Unlike frogs, humans have no need to replace themselves, not only because we perform no natural function, but because we are immortal spiritual beings.
Humans have sexuality because we are animals, and animals have sexuality. Therefore, many humans mate and have offspring. While it is true that much of our sexuality results in rape, adultery, betrayal, abortions, abused and abandoned children, battered spouses, and prostitution, these vices are only possible because we are capable of virtues.
And herein can be found the true purpose of human sexuality. In Christianity, there is no docetic dichotomy between spiritual and material, between law and grace; one is lower and the other higher, and the lower one serves the higher. In the same way, our sexuality serves a spiritual purpose, even if we are chaste or childless. Our sexual urges force us to be social creatures, for without it we would be content as hermits, never learning the joy of fellowship, never learning the give-and-take of love or friendship, never practicing upon each other the skills we need to be in full fellowship with God. The primary purpose of our sexuality is not procreation, rather it is to teach us how to love, how to have fellowship; and when we slough off the cocoon of sexuality, we emerge as creatures fully able to contemplate God, fully able to have fellowship with Him and with each other.
It is a bit much to ask of sexual creatures, but let us look beyond our sexuality to our ultimate purpose: to know and contemplate God in His glory.

Stigma and Discrimination

Sorry for not writing for so long,

I think in order to understand what stigma and discrimination is we need to know what we mean by stigma and discrimination.

Stigma is a spoilt identity, to stigmatize is to label someone, to see them as inferior because of an attribute they have.

There are three types of stigma;

1. Self Stigma - self hatred, shame, blame, people feel they are being judged by others so they isolate themselves from their families and communities.

2. Felt Stigma- Perceptions of feelings towards an individual or community. This is very common, we see other castes, community as beneath us, we see individuals as beneath us or not as good or great as us.

3. Enacted stigma or the resulting discrimination - when it ends in abuse, violence, isolation or any cruelty enacted just because the perception that they are bad and indulging in bad activities or are not as good as us.

For us it is important to remember that individually all of us have fought self stigma and felt stigma and even enacted discrimination while growing up and are fighting it every day of our lives. Our own stories, be it a women or a girl child/boy child who has been abused, or a gay, or a hijra, or a drug user; our own stories reflected in this blog speaks out loud and clear about our struggles within ourselves and with the outside world. We have to come together to fight against all these three which is rampant in ODISHA.

Thank you Sohamm and Santosh for being a part of us in the fight against stigma and discrimination.

Sarita