Employing children as domestic help: it is physical abuse

If you have children below the age of 16 working in your house in whatever capacity, please immediately release them from this bondage. It is wrong in every way. When children are hired to do our menial work, and provide babysitting to our kids, we deny them the opportunity to study, play, and enjoy the brief time that they have to be the kids that they are. You might feel that you have rescued them from their undoubtedly terrible lives. You are just indulging in a spot of very dubious rationalisation to justify what you know to be wrong. Would you put your child to work ? Or any child of your social class ? Answer this question honestly, and you will be able to do the right thing.

"I was sexually abused as a child": Anon

After visiting this blog, this is what a friend said to me.
"The subject of child sexual abuse is extremely personal for me. I was sexually abused as a child between the ages of 6 and 8, and I have talked about it openly, as I am doing so now.
I was a child who understood that what was happening was wrong, and tried my level best to stop it, by reporting it. I was not believed, but I was able to shame and scare both of my abusers into stopping it. But not before I had been abused over and over, and not before the experience had left deep scars of anger coupled with helplessness.
I will probably feel this way till the end of my life. The sense of violation, a sense of being used like an object, the fear, the shame has seeped into every other relationship in my life, including those that are non-romantic/sexual. Despite herculean efforts, it has still not been possible to forget what happened. I have to deal with it daily.
Why ? Because a couple of selfish, inadequate, completely depraved individuals decided to get their pleasure by using a child's body. They are both still alive, and therefore, they might read this. If so, I want to tell them that what they did is beneath contempt and beyond the understanding of a human being.
For the others who are reading these words, I want to say that this is a scourge, a disease, that should never be condoned. Please talk to your children about all things that exist in this world. Let them know that you love and care for them, and will protect them. Be very protective. The alternative is too horrendous to contemplate. "
I am very sad as I write these words, because I know that this story is something that almost all children, both boys and girls, have experienced.

CHILD ABUSE

Lakshmi the seven year old daughter of my maid Malati is the same age as my younger daughter. Lakshmi adores her 21 year old uncle, Malati's brother. Malati very happily leaves her daughter with her brother when she comes to our house to work. Yesterday, Malati did not leave Lakshmi with her brother but brought her along to my house.

Lakshmi whispered in my years that her brother had sexually abused Lakshmi, and Lakshmi was afraid to go near her uncle. I was shocked and asked Malati whether she had reported this to the police, she had not as she felt it was of no use to report, as no one in her family would believe or support her, and she would unnecessarily be enemies with her family members as her brother would definitely refuse that he ever did anything wrong.

Do we really know the extent of child sexual abuse? oral and physical penetration, by relatives, neighbours, teachers, and relatives are common forms of sexual abuse, children are raped, sodomized and sexually exploited in different ways.

In Puri, in the Telugu basti of Penthakotha, children of the fisher folk are routinely abused with no support or help from anybody. I have seen children with massive sexually transmitted infections. They routinely go to pick up empty bottles to the guest houses in the beaches, where foreigners stay who abuse these children. I met a 17 year old boy who spoke fluent Germany but did not have any formal schooling, who was a sexual mate of 45 year old man from German since the past seven years. He has been promised that he would ultimately be taken away to Germany to live a grand live, and he lives with that dream

I know my friends who have been sexually abused when they were children, and out of shame had never been able to speak to anyone. I know children and adults when they were children, who have been routinely physically abused by their friends, relatives, parents and we justify these forms of abuse on children, saying, spare the rod and spoil the child.

We need to recognize it, and put our foot down to any form of abuse towards children. We are righteously complaining about 'Slum Dog Millionaire' because of its harsh portrayal of what slum children go through. We very happily burst crackers in Diwali and during marriages made by children of Sivakasi, we very happily wear bangles and take pride in our marriage and our family not knowing that they probably come from the glass factories of Firozabad, Agra, where young children are forced to work. in terrible conditions. These are forms of exploitation and abuse, denial and discrimination, 'WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE IT'

We need to sit down with our children give them some time, discuss with them the forms of discrimination, help them to recognize sexual abuse, physical abuse, discrimination, as these are long lasting and leave deep scars on the child's personality.

I dont mean to sound morbid, and I dont mean to say that what I have been saying is right, what I want to do is to help all who access this site into thinking that probably there is more to life than a good job, a good house and a good life.

Sanjay Dutt and his Prepostorous statement in today's Times of India.

In today's Times of India, Mr. Sanjay Dutt has stated the following,"Girls who become part of a new family after marriage must assume their new surname and all the responsibilities that come with it".

What does Mr. Dutt mean by this, does he mean that girls who do not change their surname are not loyal do not take responsibility of their husband's family, girls who take the responsibility of their parents cannot do justice to their own married life and their own families responsibility. Mr. Dutt should have come out with this statement when he was in jail for a horrendous crime that he committed, Mr. Dutt should have come out with this statement when he had nexus with the mafia from Dubai and his sisters and his father stood by him. I do not care about the likes of Mr. Sanjay Dutt, who believe that the role of the daughter in her parents life ends as soon as the daughter gets married. A son who never cared for the father's name or gave father dignity that he deserved when he was alive, the daughters were the ones who stood by Mr. Sunil Dutt when he was alive. He now is talking about his father's legacy and who inherits the legacy.

Hats off!! Mr. Sanjay Dutt, India is proud of your views and opinions.

Living with Dignity Blog

I am very new to blogs, when I developed this blog I thought why not this could at least be a forum for all of those who I have been working for and who actually want to be heard. I was excited and my friends working in the development field and also those friends who do not work in this field but sympathize with the "big cause" really egged my to open the blog page.

I was excited, and did it, I called literally each of my friends up and asked them to contribute about issues, incidences, cases,causes, opinions, defining moments, and everybody was like yes we will do it, but strangely enough except for a few actually none of them had anything to say, Surprised of course I am. When I have colloquiums, discussions and meetings in my office, everybody wants to talk, but through the blog very few want to speak.

I don't mean to point fingers at any of my friends, it is just that every day people who have been stigmatized drop by at my office, these are sad stories, yesterday a a young man of 18 from of a premier Engineering College dropped by to tell how he was harassed for his sexual orientation and his mannerisms, he said, "Madam, I try to control my mannerisms, but the more I do the more pronounced it becomes. I just don't know what to do, i want to be accepted and complete my studies.

A week back, we had to go to a village in Orissa, where a widow and her family had been beaten black and blue and kicked out of the village, their crime, her husband had died of AIDS related illnesses, and she was HIV positive.

In our neighbourhood, a women of 72 lives alone, as her children are in far off places, and she drops by everyday during her morning walk and the reason, my house is the noisiest, dogs barking children howling, me shouting. She has a cup of coffee and shares her stories of isolation from others.

is it not apt that I have named this blog Living with dignity.

Today I went on to Mr. Amitabh Bachhan's blog bigb.bigadda.com to see what makes 400-500 followers, everyday come and peep into the site, read Mr. Bachhan's words of wisdom?? Oh yeah! him talking about Akshay Kumar and Deepika and their movies premiere in London, his discussions about the entire Bachhan clan, his opinions against the phenomenal movie, "Slum dog Millionaire".

I think I need to cultivate a few filmi friends to make this blog work.

Regards,

Sareeta

Denial, Stigma & Discrimination

Denial, Stigma and Discrimination (DSD) are some of the terms we rarely use in Orissa,

Why is it?

Is it because it has never happened in Orissa, it is because nobody ever speaks about it. Or is it because nobody feels it is important to address.

Have there been any documentation on on Denial, Stigma and Discrimination (DSD). NO! we from Orissa have always been bad at documenting anything, maybe some intellectuals from other parts of the country will come and document it.

We carried out a series of workshops with hospitals, and in each of these workshops very few (one or two) staffs of the hospital have participated. ODISHA One has come across bitter experiences of Denial, Stigma and Discrimination (DSD) against PLHIVs in many of the public and private health care settings. And very rarely have we been able to address these issues as the political will seems to be missing, and also the fractured NGO groups does not seem to have helped, let us face it Government is the largest donor organizations for small NGOs in Orissa and nobody would like to be caught as a disturbing element in these so called smooth setting.

In Orissa everybody talks of Denial Stigma and Discrimination in one breath, nobody differentiates Denial from Stigma or Discrimination nor does anybody have any strategies to address these, Denial is rarely mentioned. PLHIVs are often refused treatment and surgery, denied admission to hospitals. What is scary is that these are neither reported nor any action taken against anybody. The worst part is in prescriptions in the column of disease AIDS is written, the rationale behind it as stated by a Doctor, “we have a responsibility to mention it so that any other Doctor who sees the prescription knows it and takes precaution”. What about responsibility towards your client the patient.

Universal Precaution is almost like Greek and Latin to majority of the health care professional, very rarely do we see them adhering to it. When asked one of them said, “Do you think that is going to protect us from AIDS, you NGO guys no nothing and make most amount of noise?

In trainings too we have not talked about Denial Stigma and Discrimination openly but the time is now, all those modules on trainings on Denial, Stigma and Discrimination needs to be used and ordinary people, professionals, and even trainers need to be aware on what denial of basic services does to a ordinary human being, what does stigma do to the self esteem of a ordinary human being and how does discrimination isolate a ordinary human being from the people s/he loves.

Please speak out, speak against and fight against Denial, Stigma and Discrimination. We would like to hear from you incidences, cases, ideas to address DSD and how best to fight against it.

'I am going to die....' : one hour with D/ 13 jan 2009

( IDU - someone who injects drugs using a syringe, and is at 90% risk of contracting HIV. PLHA - a person who is infected with HIV and may have AIDS ).
'I am going to die'. I heard these words y'day, when I was interviewing an IDU/PLHA called D. He told me that he had been tested for HIV, but was in the clear. (His peers told me about his status, and his attitude of denial). He had a fixed, bright smile on his face when he mentioned this, as if he expected me to challenge him. D is 22, and has been injecting for 4 years, of which 3 years has been with shared needles. He has been through de-addiction twice, with stays over a month. But each time, the relapse has followed shortly. D is stoic when he talks about himself. He describes addiction as a process, which, once started, is impossible to stop or get out of. I asked him how he saw his immediate future, the next 6 months. He said " I am going to die, if I don't stop taking drugs...". He is the only son of poor parents, who work for BBSR Municipality.
D presently works as a sweeper, earning Rs. 1400 a month. He needs about Rs. 100 a day to support his habit, Rs. 70 for the 2 liquid drugs and a syringe/needle, and Rs. 30 for the auto fare to get him through a distance of 3/4 kms from Kharvela Nagar to Sahid Nagar and back. He is unable to walk or travel by public transport, because he is uncertain of his own strength. He takes Rs. 1500 from his parents each month, small amounts every other day or so, by exxagerating his symptoms, until he manages to scare his parents.
He does not apologise for or try to justify his behaviour. He told me that he started taking drugs because he had friends who did so. He grimaces as he talks about these things, and his eyes plead for understanding and forgiveness. I have to struggle to maintain my composure, and my professional distance as a researcher. It is 8.30 in the morning, and we are sitting on a wooden bench outside a tea-stall. The local police station is next door. D is wearing dirty shorts, a T-shirt, his head is shaved. His body language is that of someone who is waiting for something terrible to happen. He is unwilling to look into my face, and when he does, his eyes moisten.
I ask him to talk to me about what the drug does when it enters his body. He is unable to put it into words, but he talks about his 'head spinning'.

He also talks about needing more and more daily, just to get the high that he needs. he talks about withdrawal symptoms, and the many times he has hurt himself. He shows me his lower arm, I am able to trace the track marks that run all over like ridges. His legs have even more. He shows me a huge scar at the back of his head, where he had cracked it open after a bad injecting episode. It was crudely stiched up by a local sweeper called Kalia, since D did not want to spend his drug money on doctors and medicines.

I am drinking my second glass of tea, but D is still holding his first. He says he is never hungry, and the only thing that stays in his stomach is rice. All of a sudden, I am not hungry, either.

I next talk to a counseller called J, who works with D and other IDUs in the locality. J is a touchstone for them, being an IDU who has not just got through recovery but is able to help them to try and do so. J is a cheerfully realistic person, somebody who is naturally empathetic. I ask him how he manages to stay so cheerful, he says - I get love and support from these people.

Every day, when I talk to my research subjects, I experience a churning inside. I see the issues of SRH ( Sexual and Reproductive Health) vulnerability in terms of people's lives and the pressures that drive their behaviour, the pressures of ignorance, acute want, no work and no money, and ultimately, no prospects. When your life is defined by getting through the next day, where is the scope for more aware behaviour ? Why would I bother to use a condom, when sex itself is mechanical, a 10-second process of numbing myself to my painful reality ?

Yet, there are the Js, and the Ds who want to be like J. That is the reason why I go to work every day, and that is the reason why I am telling D's story. Thank you, D.